Aa
Time to get humble and honest!
Its time for me to get humble. I come on here daily, wanting to help people get clean while getting clean as well. I have heard from many that I have been so helpful to them and have been a rock, etc. So if I am really going to help people then I have to be honest with you all, and be honest with myself.
I relapsed yesterday and I dont want to talk alot right now about how I relapsed, but more so as to WHY. In the beginning of me getting clean, I was riding that infamous pink cloud! There was NO way I was going to ever touch another pill again U would tell myself! I was Doing everything different this time! I had this this time!! I was going to therapy to get to the root of why I use. I cut off all my sources, and actually moved to another state! I was going to AA meetings. In the beginning, A couple times a week but eventually, everyday and I got a sponsor to help me work the program. I told my secret to my family and some of my friends. I told my Dr. and I redflagged myself at my pharmacy! I did EVERYTHING that I tell people to do. So why did I relapse then???
Besides the fact that this disease is so strong. heres where I failed. As that Pink cloud started to disappear, I was left with my own head and my own feelings. Like Most of us will be! So instead of reaching out to people and screaming from the rooftops that I was struggling emotionally, and having cravings, I very slowly over the last few weeks started isolating. I told myself I DONT NEED TO TELL ANYONE!! IM 2 months clean now! But THIS is where I went wrong. I slowly stopped going out with my sober friends. I slowly stopped talking about my feelings and how they were triggering me. I started to internalize again. I even stopped coming on here as much. I kept putting myself in situations where I would be tested and tempted! Now I realize probably because I wanted to fail.
The reason I am telling everyone this is because I see alot of people who are riding the pink cloud once they are done detoxing and think that they are done with the hard work. They start to pull away from the things that kept them clean, and they start to change their patterns back to those addictive patterns. I now know I was INCREDIBLY guilty of this. I was going through the motions of putting in the work, But I know I wasnt putting in 100% anymore to my recovery. The second we stop putting in 100% to our recovery, is when you are destined to relapse like I did.
This isnt easy AT ALL to tell you all. Im embaressed and ashamed! But I want to share with all of you guys who have been there for me, and who I have been there for because I hope that the reason for my failure will be a help to others so they dont end up here, and feeling like I feel now. This disease is cunning and baffling and The lesson I have learned from this is I cant EVER stop giving 100% to my recovery!
So anyways, Thanks everyone for listening!
Love ya all, my MH family!
I relapsed yesterday and I dont want to talk alot right now about how I relapsed, but more so as to WHY. In the beginning of me getting clean, I was riding that infamous pink cloud! There was NO way I was going to ever touch another pill again U would tell myself! I was Doing everything different this time! I had this this time!! I was going to therapy to get to the root of why I use. I cut off all my sources, and actually moved to another state! I was going to AA meetings. In the beginning, A couple times a week but eventually, everyday and I got a sponsor to help me work the program. I told my secret to my family and some of my friends. I told my Dr. and I redflagged myself at my pharmacy! I did EVERYTHING that I tell people to do. So why did I relapse then???
Besides the fact that this disease is so strong. heres where I failed. As that Pink cloud started to disappear, I was left with my own head and my own feelings. Like Most of us will be! So instead of reaching out to people and screaming from the rooftops that I was struggling emotionally, and having cravings, I very slowly over the last few weeks started isolating. I told myself I DONT NEED TO TELL ANYONE!! IM 2 months clean now! But THIS is where I went wrong. I slowly stopped going out with my sober friends. I slowly stopped talking about my feelings and how they were triggering me. I started to internalize again. I even stopped coming on here as much. I kept putting myself in situations where I would be tested and tempted! Now I realize probably because I wanted to fail.
The reason I am telling everyone this is because I see alot of people who are riding the pink cloud once they are done detoxing and think that they are done with the hard work. They start to pull away from the things that kept them clean, and they start to change their patterns back to those addictive patterns. I now know I was INCREDIBLY guilty of this. I was going through the motions of putting in the work, But I know I wasnt putting in 100% anymore to my recovery. The second we stop putting in 100% to our recovery, is when you are destined to relapse like I did.
This isnt easy AT ALL to tell you all. Im embaressed and ashamed! But I want to share with all of you guys who have been there for me, and who I have been there for because I hope that the reason for my failure will be a help to others so they dont end up here, and feeling like I feel now. This disease is cunning and baffling and The lesson I have learned from this is I cant EVER stop giving 100% to my recovery!
So anyways, Thanks everyone for listening!
Love ya all, my MH family!
Lol. Yes it does.
I'm glad you are doing better. Don't beat yourself up.
Just grow.
I'm glad you are doing better. Don't beat yourself up.
Just grow.
Thank you my friend!! All any of us can do is continue to grow!!
As far as the responses on here, I paid everyone top dollar!! hahahaha :) Money talks!! lol
As far as the responses on here, I paid everyone top dollar!! hahahaha :) Money talks!! lol
So light humor.
This has to be the longest post i have ever seen on here. Lol.
Wow, you are truly the strongest person on here! And you are admired not only by me but by everyone here.
Addiction is like life, we grow from what we have learned, if we learn from our experiences. And you seem to grow everyday.
You have been here for me from the start, and I'm truly blessed to have had your help.
You have touch the lives of many people here. Helped so many trying to get clean.
I'm sorry you you relapsed. But you will be stronger because of it. I know it.
I say this a lot, forgive me if i have said it to you in the past.
The paradox of life is we can only live it going forward, and understand it looking back, if at all.
My best for you girl. :-)>.
This has to be the longest post i have ever seen on here. Lol.
Wow, you are truly the strongest person on here! And you are admired not only by me but by everyone here.
Addiction is like life, we grow from what we have learned, if we learn from our experiences. And you seem to grow everyday.
You have been here for me from the start, and I'm truly blessed to have had your help.
You have touch the lives of many people here. Helped so many trying to get clean.
I'm sorry you you relapsed. But you will be stronger because of it. I know it.
I say this a lot, forgive me if i have said it to you in the past.
The paradox of life is we can only live it going forward, and understand it looking back, if at all.
My best for you girl. :-)>.
Thank you Girl! Im not that strong but I am geting stronger :) Thanks for being there for me as well!!
T-
You are such an amazingly strong person and I know you will get back up and continue moving forward again.
You have been there for me and I thank you so much for that.
You are such a huge part of this forum and have to keep fighting because ppl like myself need you!
You are in my prayers and I know you can do this girl.
Love you!!!
You are such an amazingly strong person and I know you will get back up and continue moving forward again.
You have been there for me and I thank you so much for that.
You are such a huge part of this forum and have to keep fighting because ppl like myself need you!
You are in my prayers and I know you can do this girl.
Love you!!!
Thank you so much! Im glad that this post has helped you. That was my wish when I posted it! :)
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We r so alike that I know exactly how many pills u took and that's one to many. If u don't swallow it, shoot it, or put it up ur nose then u can't get high or drunk. Remember that.
Learn from this and dust urself off n try again and tell yourself every morning u wake up that ur stronger than yesterday.