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Time to get humble and honest!
Its time for me to get humble. I come on here daily, wanting to help people get clean while getting clean as well. I have heard from many that I have been so helpful to them and have been a rock, etc. So if I am really going to help people then I have to be honest with you all, and be honest with myself.
I relapsed yesterday and I dont want to talk alot right now about how I relapsed, but more so as to WHY. In the beginning of me getting clean, I was riding that infamous pink cloud! There was NO way I was going to ever touch another pill again U would tell myself! I was Doing everything different this time! I had this this time!! I was going to therapy to get to the root of why I use. I cut off all my sources, and actually moved to another state! I was going to AA meetings. In the beginning, A couple times a week but eventually, everyday and I got a sponsor to help me work the program. I told my secret to my family and some of my friends. I told my Dr. and I redflagged myself at my pharmacy! I did EVERYTHING that I tell people to do. So why did I relapse then???
Besides the fact that this disease is so strong. heres where I failed. As that Pink cloud started to disappear, I was left with my own head and my own feelings. Like Most of us will be! So instead of reaching out to people and screaming from the rooftops that I was struggling emotionally, and having cravings, I very slowly over the last few weeks started isolating. I told myself I DONT NEED TO TELL ANYONE!! IM 2 months clean now! But THIS is where I went wrong. I slowly stopped going out with my sober friends. I slowly stopped talking about my feelings and how they were triggering me. I started to internalize again. I even stopped coming on here as much. I kept putting myself in situations where I would be tested and tempted! Now I realize probably because I wanted to fail.
The reason I am telling everyone this is because I see alot of people who are riding the pink cloud once they are done detoxing and think that they are done with the hard work. They start to pull away from the things that kept them clean, and they start to change their patterns back to those addictive patterns. I now know I was INCREDIBLY guilty of this. I was going through the motions of putting in the work, But I know I wasnt putting in 100% anymore to my recovery. The second we stop putting in 100% to our recovery, is when you are destined to relapse like I did.
This isnt easy AT ALL to tell you all. Im embaressed and ashamed! But I want to share with all of you guys who have been there for me, and who I have been there for because I hope that the reason for my failure will be a help to others so they dont end up here, and feeling like I feel now. This disease is cunning and baffling and The lesson I have learned from this is I cant EVER stop giving 100% to my recovery!
So anyways, Thanks everyone for listening!
Love ya all, my MH family!
I relapsed yesterday and I dont want to talk alot right now about how I relapsed, but more so as to WHY. In the beginning of me getting clean, I was riding that infamous pink cloud! There was NO way I was going to ever touch another pill again U would tell myself! I was Doing everything different this time! I had this this time!! I was going to therapy to get to the root of why I use. I cut off all my sources, and actually moved to another state! I was going to AA meetings. In the beginning, A couple times a week but eventually, everyday and I got a sponsor to help me work the program. I told my secret to my family and some of my friends. I told my Dr. and I redflagged myself at my pharmacy! I did EVERYTHING that I tell people to do. So why did I relapse then???
Besides the fact that this disease is so strong. heres where I failed. As that Pink cloud started to disappear, I was left with my own head and my own feelings. Like Most of us will be! So instead of reaching out to people and screaming from the rooftops that I was struggling emotionally, and having cravings, I very slowly over the last few weeks started isolating. I told myself I DONT NEED TO TELL ANYONE!! IM 2 months clean now! But THIS is where I went wrong. I slowly stopped going out with my sober friends. I slowly stopped talking about my feelings and how they were triggering me. I started to internalize again. I even stopped coming on here as much. I kept putting myself in situations where I would be tested and tempted! Now I realize probably because I wanted to fail.
The reason I am telling everyone this is because I see alot of people who are riding the pink cloud once they are done detoxing and think that they are done with the hard work. They start to pull away from the things that kept them clean, and they start to change their patterns back to those addictive patterns. I now know I was INCREDIBLY guilty of this. I was going through the motions of putting in the work, But I know I wasnt putting in 100% anymore to my recovery. The second we stop putting in 100% to our recovery, is when you are destined to relapse like I did.
This isnt easy AT ALL to tell you all. Im embaressed and ashamed! But I want to share with all of you guys who have been there for me, and who I have been there for because I hope that the reason for my failure will be a help to others so they dont end up here, and feeling like I feel now. This disease is cunning and baffling and The lesson I have learned from this is I cant EVER stop giving 100% to my recovery!
So anyways, Thanks everyone for listening!
Love ya all, my MH family!
Please don't let the fact that Teresa's slip was accepted unconditionally take away from the fear of coming on here and talking about it. Coming on here and talking about relapsing is a really hard and stressful thing to do, and should be feared. No one feels good about relapse no matter how many people tell you that you are still loved. People feel disgust with themselves that they relapsed, naturally, and without any help. To criticize someone when they're down, and brave enough to open up is hitting below the belt, but no matter what is said, the feelings associated with relapse, before and after it happens are very hard to take. That's why a person shouldn't get used to it because the disgust that they feel for themselves will destroy their confidence in their abilities, and they will stay stuck.
The reason why you would find positive support for a person relapsing is because it's them that have brought up to us the consequences of letting our program that we put ourselves on, fail, and for that they are revered. I haven't heard anyone say that they are glad in any way that they relapsed yet. Teresa, thankfully did not throw in the towel, because she had her peeps here rooting for her, and she heard our roar even in isolation. Had she stayed out she would be dealing with the cravings all over again. For all of her hard work, she would be back to square one. Prayerfully, this did not happen. Sonrissa, you're having a hard time, but all of your hard work WILL pay off one fine day. Please DO NOT throw away the withdrawal that you've had (never mind the clean time). Don't put yourself back to square one of your withdrawal honey!! You're in my thoughts and prayers dear!!!!
The reason why you would find positive support for a person relapsing is because it's them that have brought up to us the consequences of letting our program that we put ourselves on, fail, and for that they are revered. I haven't heard anyone say that they are glad in any way that they relapsed yet. Teresa, thankfully did not throw in the towel, because she had her peeps here rooting for her, and she heard our roar even in isolation. Had she stayed out she would be dealing with the cravings all over again. For all of her hard work, she would be back to square one. Prayerfully, this did not happen. Sonrissa, you're having a hard time, but all of your hard work WILL pay off one fine day. Please DO NOT throw away the withdrawal that you've had (never mind the clean time). Don't put yourself back to square one of your withdrawal honey!! You're in my thoughts and prayers dear!!!!
Sonrissa....I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. You have given so many of us new to this so much inspiration to keep going. You're constantly giving us great advice and always telling us to keep fighting. Your totally entitled to feel this way, but please really think about it. It can be worth it! Please reach out to all your friends here and get through it. We all need you....I know I do!!!
I wish you would talk to us...Let me clear this up though, its not ok to relapse. Its not Ok to use, Using is not an option! With that said, this disease is so stong and it attacks us when we are weak. SO sometimes we fall. But you dont have to! Relapse is NOT a requirement to getting sober!!
We are here to support you and I hope you will talk to all of us before yiu make that choice to use, Please talk.....
We are here to support you and I hope you will talk to all of us before yiu make that choice to use, Please talk.....
You dont really want to use do you??? Look at how far youve come! Why do you want to throw all of that away?
Noone is going to get pissed at you girl! Being able to be honest and tell everyone how you feel is not an easy thing! The fact that you are talking about it shows that you dont want to lose and thats a huge plus!
Why are you feeling this way?? Is there anything that triggered this or has it been creeping up??
Im proud of you for admiting how you feel! Thats very brave of you !!
Why are you feeling this way?? Is there anything that triggered this or has it been creeping up??
Im proud of you for admiting how you feel! Thats very brave of you !!
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We r so alike that I know exactly how many pills u took and that's one to many. If u don't swallow it, shoot it, or put it up ur nose then u can't get high or drunk. Remember that.
Learn from this and dust urself off n try again and tell yourself every morning u wake up that ur stronger than yesterday.