Aa
cold turkey
i have been taking pain pills of all kinds for about 5 years ...never thought nothing of it ..till the other day i stopped and after three days i knew now i was a total addict i relapsed that night and now im on two days clean ...i dont know anything about time and how long it lasts but this is the hardest thing i ever dealt with ...the pains in my head and stomach are unreal and the mental side affects are even worse ...i twitch all night i cant sleep well ...i throw up or gag alot i have a constant headache that wont go away... i read some peoples stories and ...we all sound the same ...i just hope i can make it ....it all started becouse i got hurt at work and then it was just so easy to get the pills from dr ...monthly and then i realised i was taking them in a week (120)vic 7.5 and my friends started taking them and then it moved to perc 10s then oc10 0c40 ...it spiralled down from there ...this is going to be a long road ...i already lost my wife ,kids,and anything that mattered so i cant do it for them ..it has to be for me now
day 831 ...im clean and loving my new life ...there have been obstacles and bumps in the road ,but nothing stops me now ..i just wanted to say ,if it wasnt for this forum being here when i needed it ...i would not have made it ...so i just wanted to say thank you
day 59 and i feel ok some of the w/d symptoms seem to have returned ..i have a terrible headache and i get dizzy if i exert myself to hard ,and i cant stop thinking of pills and making myself not hurt ...i know thats a trap my mind is setting ...i will be strong ...ive started going to two meetings a day ...
55 days and depression is lifting a bit ....its not that i dont still miss and want my life back ...i believe i just have stopped caring about trying so hard ...going to keep sober and try to just get healthy
Hi. I had a hard time dealing with that stuff too. I lost my girl for the same reason you did. You have to come to a point where you forigive yourself for all of the bad things that have happened...things that you have done. We weren't ourselves when we were using and you know it. That's one reason you quit in the first place. You are a person, and you make mistakes. It's all in what you learn from your mistakes and how you move forward from there. The best thing you can do for yourself in your situation is 1st- stay clean! You know this deep in your heart. You know the resons you quit, and you know where you want to be in a year from now. Using with only throw all of that away...and you don't want that...no matter how hard sh*t gets. So...forgive yourself! We all make mistakes. Make the best of the situation at all times. I believe everything happens for a reason, and the best thing i could say about "what if she never comes back", is this: "Every new beginning is some other begininning's end". Who knows...this could all be a blessing and things in 2 will be better than you ever imagined.
I know it's hard...but you have to keep doing what you know is right, and what you know you want in your heart. Use your heart and the body will follow.
I know it's hard...but you have to keep doing what you know is right, and what you know you want in your heart. Use your heart and the body will follow.
sometimes i feel like saying ...screw my addiction....i feel so bad about all else that i lost ..that my addiction pales in comparison ...but try i must to get up and go on ...its just this is so much harder then i ever thought ,all the anxiety and pain ...not only mine but all i did wrong haunts at night ...and i wonder how much longer till i let myself heal ..better yet how much longer till i can forgive myself ....i guess its just a bad year for me ..
If hour by hour is what it takes then thats what you do. Pretty soon you will realize its day by day and then a week will go by. Life is not constant...it gets bad and then it gets good, U sound like u have had some major bad so the good is coming....just dont give up!
thank you Devonlee i agree and i am willing to wait for ever ..i will back off and fix me...i still need to talk to her about my kids and try to fix them .....as for simple? i cant live day by day i now have bee reduced to hour by hour ...but everyday gets better so ...i will learn patience
As far as your wife my advice to you is this. Back off....(I am an ex wife to an addict and a now wife to an alcoholic who has been clean over a year) and she isnt going to hear your words about being clean and wanting to get back together. She is probably angry and hurt over all that has gone on. You concentrate on you and getting better. Give it time...heal yourself...go to your meetings. SHOW her and your kids that you are doing the right thing. When you talk to her talk about the kids and leave the drama out of it. Be pleasant and give her space and yourself space. Once you have some clean time under your belt and are thinking clear things may get better. And then she may be willing to talk about your relationship. Thats just my adivce having been there and done that. You are doing well so keep it up. Keep your life as simple and peaceful as possible. Good luck with it all.
How was the NA meeting ? :) i understand you well... communicating is not always easy when we are not feeling at our best and we have conflicts to resolve.... but your words gave me an idea.. how about having your talks to your wife after you have gone to a meeting ? by your words, you are more positive and relaxed after them so you will be in a better position to talk without the anger.
thank you sudie58 i am and will persevere threw this. human nature is when we fall.. to get back up and keep going forward and believe it or not writing stories has kept me going more then anything else ive been writing short stories and i actually found something that takes my mind off all my troubles ...who knew lol
hi, i was reading through all your posts and just wanted to wish you well, you have really pushed on through , and even after a set back ,got back on track. i really hope you can get to see your kids more, stay calm and use good communication skills, i am sure you will get your problems sorted out, stay stromg and clean, god bless, sudie
i now have 50 days two A.A. meetings and tonight i go to my first N.A. meeting ive been under so much stress that thoughts are creeping in and destroying my calm ....im trying as hard as i can ...and i wish i could just control my thoughts better ...trying my best to be level and calm when i talk to my ex but that doesn't last ;long ...we need to develop better communication skills for the kids sake ...i feel like im walking uphill threw mud and im tired of trying ,,,,but after every meeting i do go to i feel recharged and new determination
hey, this is good news .... that you spoke to your kids and that you went to a meeting :) ...you said that you learnt a lot and this is our goal so while you find the NA meetings, keep going to AA... learning tools is one of the things we need doing. You were also right about finding a healthy lifestyle... the gym is a great idea, go for it...this is a long race so step by step, you know :)
well last night i went to my first meeting A.A. and i learned alot ...but it doesn't feel exactly right i think i need to find N.A. instead and ....i finally got to speak to my kids :)
Not a fun way to lose weight! Exercise helped that doomy feeling alot for me..i felt normal cos i needed to pump up that dopamine ....the happy endorphin.
Weight loss can be great but be sure you are taking vitamins, the thomas recipe in the health pages rox!
This is a great place to be while you are going thru the rocky part of getting clean. it is a great place to be later in the rocky part of staying clean.
I am glad u r trying to stay positive, I truly believe attitude is 99% of this. I dont know why, but i felt some "down" vibes from your post...and if i couldnt talk to my kids i would feel the same way. As toime goes on this wilkl change,,,i feel it in my bones
good luck to u an keep posting
Weight loss can be great but be sure you are taking vitamins, the thomas recipe in the health pages rox!
This is a great place to be while you are going thru the rocky part of getting clean. it is a great place to be later in the rocky part of staying clean.
I am glad u r trying to stay positive, I truly believe attitude is 99% of this. I dont know why, but i felt some "down" vibes from your post...and if i couldnt talk to my kids i would feel the same way. As toime goes on this wilkl change,,,i feel it in my bones
good luck to u an keep posting
day 46 and still clean ,almost got to talk to them last night ...the kids want to start talking ..but she keeps making excuses to not put them on ...i kept my cool and said ok i guess tomorrow ,...and yes laurel453 i think i do need a gym threw this whole process of getting clean and heartache i lost 40lbs and my appetite is gone ...im slowly wasting away i think and ..i need to find a healthy way of living ...235 lbs to 195lbs in 46 days ....but im trying to be positive
First of all, congrats on your 44 days and then... great for not using after such an stressful thing but for sure you would need some help with the anger issues, right ? This might be a good way to regain the trust lost and with time and please, don't put these expectations on your life now. Stay clean for the sake of it, for you :) Now, take some steps to lower your stress... i have seen on one of your pics that you like playing music or go to the gym... don't let the stress nor the anger boil inside yourself now
well..day 44 and i feel fine still in the back of my head ..but i had a very bad week this week ...almost went back to kill my pain ...i screwed up good this time i went to my exs house who i thought was willing to work with me on getting back together ...and low and behold i see her and a guy and my kids getting out of her car ..i lost it saw red jumped out and proceeded to pound the **** out him ...the mistake i made was ..my kids saw me and freaked im ashamed of doing that in front my kids who now wont talk to me ...but at least my heartache is gone replaced with cold anger ...im sorry and ...i now feel like im at day one of trust and i have miles to go to regain there trust ....i will not use drugs ...but damn i feel the need to erase my feelings ....and i make no apologies for stomping the guy's *** ...just i wish i had better self control and didnt do that at that time ....
thank you :) and im now at day 34 feeling good ..i just wish i could erase my wrongs and win her back ... someday but its not today ....i will never give up hope and i am trying to keep positive and focus on being a good dad and maybe in time she will see but staying clean is my goal as well ...at times i force myself to read ...yesterday i read a 1000 page book to keep my mind off my hurt and it works ..but now i finished the book and need a new one lol
You are definitely NOT ALONE - there are people out here that care about you and what you are going through!
Congrats to you and Day 25!!! My boyfriend of 11 years and I are going through a really rough time right now (it's not just my addiction, but my active, chronic illness, too) - I have been contemplating ending our relationship for a while now, but we had a long talk tonight, and we are both of the opinion that we aren't quite ready to throw in the towel, yet...nonetheless, it's still a difficult time; my heart is heavy (I know it doesn't compare with the situation with your kids)...my point is just to take things one hour at a time, if necessary - sometimes, a day at a time is just too much at that particular time...I'm happy for you that you do get to spend some time with your kids at all - there are people out there that don't get to see their kids at all.
I think you actually are in a really good position right now (one way to think about it) - you get to have time to yourself to help yourself with your drug abuse - you can schedule appointments, you can go to meetings, you can meet up with people to talk to, have coffee, work out, do productive things, etc. AND even though it's scheduled and/or court-appointed, you still get to spend time with your kids! Sometimes, it's just easier to stay put and stay home and become introverted and hermit-like, etc., Lord knows I'm guilty of that - but I've slowly been doing more things for ME, like having dinner with my mom and just getting out beyond my four walls - trying to be more social, away from work. Everybody is different, and I'm not preaching or trying to tell you what to do - I'm just hoping you'll see that you've done a fabulous job of reaching Day 25 - and your kids are still part of your life, too! Things will get even better as more time goes by - this is a guarantee.
Take Care of YOU - I'm really proud of you for what you've accomplished so far!
Karen :-)
Congrats to you and Day 25!!! My boyfriend of 11 years and I are going through a really rough time right now (it's not just my addiction, but my active, chronic illness, too) - I have been contemplating ending our relationship for a while now, but we had a long talk tonight, and we are both of the opinion that we aren't quite ready to throw in the towel, yet...nonetheless, it's still a difficult time; my heart is heavy (I know it doesn't compare with the situation with your kids)...my point is just to take things one hour at a time, if necessary - sometimes, a day at a time is just too much at that particular time...I'm happy for you that you do get to spend some time with your kids at all - there are people out there that don't get to see their kids at all.
I think you actually are in a really good position right now (one way to think about it) - you get to have time to yourself to help yourself with your drug abuse - you can schedule appointments, you can go to meetings, you can meet up with people to talk to, have coffee, work out, do productive things, etc. AND even though it's scheduled and/or court-appointed, you still get to spend time with your kids! Sometimes, it's just easier to stay put and stay home and become introverted and hermit-like, etc., Lord knows I'm guilty of that - but I've slowly been doing more things for ME, like having dinner with my mom and just getting out beyond my four walls - trying to be more social, away from work. Everybody is different, and I'm not preaching or trying to tell you what to do - I'm just hoping you'll see that you've done a fabulous job of reaching Day 25 - and your kids are still part of your life, too! Things will get even better as more time goes by - this is a guarantee.
Take Care of YOU - I'm really proud of you for what you've accomplished so far!
Karen :-)
day 25 and i guess this would be easier if i wasn't dealing with heartbreak on top of addiction ..but still clean and still alone ..but at least i get to see my kids for 3 hours on tues and thurs and every other weekend again:)
You hang in there! You have 23 days under your belt! Such an accomplishment! I'm proud of you!!! I totally know what you're going through regarding the self-esteem issue - I've relapsed, and and trying to pull myself out of it, and the emotional/psychological aspects, to me, are (almost) worse than the physical manifestations. One thing a buddy of mine suggested to me (Dave1963) was to listen to music - do you have a favorite genre? Artist? Album or CD? I found listening to something kind of nostalgic (like - yes, I know - disco or the metal from the 80s) has really helped - makes me feel good to listen to stuff that I associate with much happier times. Another thing that helps is watching movies - for me, at least...everybody is different.
Keep posting, too - it will help! I've been posting off/on for the past couple of years - I can post for days on end and then disappear for 9 months and start posting again, and people are so good about being here for you -
Keep up the GREAT work - you can do this!!! As IBKleen says, "you are not alone!"
Karen :-)
Keep posting, too - it will help! I've been posting off/on for the past couple of years - I can post for days on end and then disappear for 9 months and start posting again, and people are so good about being here for you -
Keep up the GREAT work - you can do this!!! As IBKleen says, "you are not alone!"
Karen :-)
day 23 , and i physically feel great ...mental ?.... not so good ..im so low on self esteem that i don't know why i even try ..out of all the things that made me want to change and get myself better ...the one i want most ...i think i may have really lost my chance ...now i know this is not the place for this .. but im alone and i feel the emotions so much more since stopping pills..im sure this is normal ..and i will get threw it ...just ..the wanting to abuse again is real strong ...the lower my hope gets ...the more i think about it ..
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