cold turkey

[EVILASH]

i have been taking pain pills of all kinds for about 5 years ...never thought nothing of it ..till the other day i stopped and after three days i knew now i was a total addict i relapsed that night and now im on two days clean ...i dont know anything about time and how long it lasts but this is the hardest thing i ever dealt with ...the pains in my head and stomach are unreal and the mental side affects are even worse ...i twitch all night i cant sleep well ...i throw up or gag alot i have a constant headache that wont go away... i read some peoples stories and ...we all sound the same ...i just hope i can make it ....it all started becouse i got hurt at work and then it was just so easy to get the pills from dr ...monthly and then i realised i was taking them in a week (120)vic 7.5  and my friends started taking them and then it moved to perc 10s then oc10 0c40 ...it spiralled down from there ...this is going to be a long road ...i already lost my wife ,kids,and anything that mattered so i cant do it for them ..it has to be for me now

[laurel453]

hey, this is good news .... that you spoke to your kids and that you went to a meeting :) ...you said that you learnt a lot and this is our goal so while you find the NA meetings, keep going to AA... learning tools is one of the things we need doing. You were also right about finding  a healthy lifestyle... the gym is a great idea, go for it...this is a long race so step by step, you know :)

[EVILASH]

well last night i went to my first meeting A.A. and i learned alot ...but it doesn't feel exactly right i think i need to find N.A. instead   and ....i finally got to speak to my kids :)

[worried878]

Not a fun way to lose weight!  Exercise helped that doomy feeling alot for me..i felt normal cos i needed to pump up that dopamine ....the happy endorphin.
Weight loss can be great but be sure you are taking vitamins, the thomas recipe in the health pages rox!
This is a great place to be while you are going thru the rocky part of getting clean.  it is a great  place to be later in the rocky part of staying clean.
I am glad u r trying to stay positive, I truly believe attitude is 99% of this.  I dont know why, but i felt some "down" vibes from your post...and if i couldnt talk to my kids i would feel the same way.  As toime goes on this wilkl change,,,i feel it in  my bones

good luck to u an keep posting

[EVILASH]

day 46 and still clean ,almost got to talk to them last night ...the kids want to start talking ..but she keeps making excuses to not put them on ...i kept my cool and said ok i guess tomorrow ,...and yes laurel453 i think i do need a gym threw this whole process of getting clean and heartache i lost 40lbs and my appetite is gone ...im slowly wasting away i think and ..i need to find a healthy way of living ...235 lbs to 195lbs in 46 days ....but im trying to be positive

[laurel453]

First of all, congrats on your 44 days and then... great for not using after such an stressful thing but for sure you would need some help with the anger issues, right ? This might be a good way to regain the trust lost  and with time and please, don't put these expectations on your life now. Stay clean for the sake of it, for you :) Now, take some steps to lower your stress... i have seen on one of your pics that you like playing music or go to the gym... don't let the stress nor the anger boil inside yourself now

[EVILASH]

well..day 44 and i feel fine still in the back of my head ..but i had a very bad week this week ...almost went back to kill my pain ...i screwed up good this time i went to my exs house who i thought was willing to work with me on getting back together ...and low and behold i see her and a guy and my kids getting out of her car ..i lost it saw red jumped out and proceeded to pound the **** out him ...the mistake i made was ..my kids saw me and freaked im ashamed of doing that in front my kids who now wont talk to me ...but at least my heartache is gone replaced with cold anger ...im sorry and ...i now feel like im at day one of trust and i have miles to go to regain there trust ....i will not use drugs ...but damn i feel the need to erase my feelings ....and i make no apologies for stomping the guy's *** ...just i wish i had better self control and didnt do that at that time ....