cold turkey

[EVILASH]

i have been taking pain pills of all kinds for about 5 years ...never thought nothing of it ..till the other day i stopped and after three days i knew now i was a total addict i relapsed that night and now im on two days clean ...i dont know anything about time and how long it lasts but this is the hardest thing i ever dealt with ...the pains in my head and stomach are unreal and the mental side affects are even worse ...i twitch all night i cant sleep well ...i throw up or gag alot i have a constant headache that wont go away... i read some peoples stories and ...we all sound the same ...i just hope i can make it ....it all started becouse i got hurt at work and then it was just so easy to get the pills from dr ...monthly and then i realised i was taking them in a week (120)vic 7.5  and my friends started taking them and then it moved to perc 10s then oc10 0c40 ...it spiralled down from there ...this is going to be a long road ...i already lost my wife ,kids,and anything that mattered so i cant do it for them ..it has to be for me now

[EVILASH]

thank you :) and im now at day 34 feeling good ..i just wish i could erase my wrongs and win her back ... someday but its not today ....i will never give up hope and i am trying to keep positive and focus on being a good dad and maybe in time she will see but staying clean is my goal as well ...at times i force myself to read ...yesterday i read a 1000 page book to keep my mind off my hurt and it works ..but now i finished the book and need a new one lol

[missmetal]

You are definitely NOT ALONE - there are people out here that care about you and what you are going through!

Congrats to you and Day 25!!!  My boyfriend of 11 years and I are going through a really rough time right now (it's not just my addiction, but my active, chronic illness, too) - I have been contemplating ending our relationship for a while now, but we had a long talk tonight, and we are both of the opinion that we aren't quite ready to throw in the towel, yet...nonetheless, it's still a difficult time; my heart is heavy (I know it doesn't compare with the situation with your kids)...my point is just to take things one hour at a time, if necessary - sometimes, a day at a time is just too much at that particular time...I'm happy for you that you do get to spend some time with your kids at all - there are people out there that don't get to see their kids at all.

I think you actually are in a really good position right now (one way to think about it) - you get to have time to yourself to help yourself with your drug abuse - you can schedule appointments, you can go to meetings, you can meet up with people to talk to, have coffee, work out, do productive things, etc. AND even though it's scheduled and/or court-appointed, you still get to spend time with your kids!  Sometimes, it's just easier to stay put and stay home and become introverted and hermit-like, etc., Lord knows I'm guilty of that - but I've slowly been doing more things for ME, like having dinner with my mom and just getting out beyond my four walls - trying to be more social, away from work.  Everybody is different, and I'm not preaching or trying to tell you what to do - I'm just hoping you'll see that you've done a fabulous job of reaching Day 25 - and your kids are still part of your life, too!  Things will get even better as more time goes by - this is a guarantee.

Take Care of YOU - I'm really proud of you for what you've accomplished so far!

Karen  :-)

[EVILASH]

day 25 and i guess this would be easier if i wasn't dealing with heartbreak on top of addiction ..but still clean and still alone ..but at least i get to see my kids for 3 hours on tues and thurs and every other weekend again:)

[missmetal]

You hang in there!  You have 23 days under your belt!  Such an accomplishment!  I'm proud of you!!!  I totally know what you're going through regarding the self-esteem issue - I've relapsed, and and trying to pull myself out of it, and the emotional/psychological aspects, to me, are (almost) worse than the physical manifestations.  One thing a buddy of mine suggested to me (Dave1963) was to listen to music - do you have a favorite genre?  Artist?  Album or CD?  I found listening to something kind of nostalgic (like - yes, I know - disco or the metal from the 80s) has really helped - makes me feel good to listen to stuff that I associate with much happier times.  Another thing that helps is watching movies - for me, at least...everybody is different.

Keep posting, too - it will help!  I've been posting off/on for the past couple of years - I can post for days on end and then disappear for 9 months and start posting again, and people are so good about being here for you -

Keep up the GREAT work - you can do this!!!  As IBKleen says, "you are not alone!"

Karen  :-)

[EVILASH]

day 23 , and i physically feel great ...mental ?.... not so good ..im so low on self esteem that i don't know why i even try ..out of all the things that made me want to change and get myself better ...the one i want most ...i think i may have really lost my chance ...now i know this is not the place for this .. but im alone and i feel the emotions so much more since stopping pills..im sure this is normal ..and i will get threw it ...just ..the wanting to abuse again is real strong ...the lower my hope gets ...the more i think about it ..

[EVILASH]

yup day 18 and i feel so low on faith and hope ...im trying so hard ...but im so emotional and im trying to fill my day with working on my bike and doing things for friends but ....it just takes so long to heal ....