crack addicted husband

[confusedandhurt61]

I have been with my husband for 5 years now.  Recently, we moved to TX where he is from.  Three days after moving here he started smoking crack.  I was totally blown out of the water by this.  He had never used any kind of drugs the whole time we had been together.  Come to find out from his family, he has been a crack addict for about 20 years!  He had to leave TX to get himself clean.  I didn't know, and took a job smack dab in the middle of his "old stomping grounds" and as soon as the plane landed, he went looking.  I know I will never ever in a million years understand the need for it.  His actions are bizarre, and I just keep trying to make sense of it all.  I am probably still a little in denial since this just hit me three months ago.  How can a person go for 5 years without it and all of a sudden I can't turn my back on him for a minute.  He told me yesterday, "I am what I am and I'm an addict.  That is all I will ever be".  It seems like he has already made up his mind to live the "addict lifestyle".  I feel like a horrible person if I walk out on him, but I can't stand to see him act that way.  He always does it at home, and I have to sit and watch him peek around corners at me for hours.  I can't take it any more.  HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ImDONENoMore]

I'm with jaybay and thought the exact same thing.  Let your children help you - believe me, I know they want to and I speak from personal experience on that one.  I'm sure they don't see it as a burden and would welcome the opportunity to help you the way you've always helped them.  It will make them feel good and you need to do this.  Please find a way for yourself to be well.  I wish there was someone who could fix the problem for your husband, but sadly that is not the way it works.  HE has to want it.

And also, I'm going to bet that your children would rather help you now while you still have a fighting chance to be happy, than to have to clean up any messes your husband may create for you both.  I wish you well - it's obvious that you deserve to be happy so please take care of yourself.  Sometimes tells me that you've forgotten that you matter too.  My prayers are with you.  p.s. give your kids the chance to do something great (helping you because they LOVE you).

[confusedandhurt61]

Thank u Patrick...and have a great time!!!  Hawaii is actually where we just moved from.  We lived in Lahaina on Maui for over a year.  We got offered a job in TX and in order to be closer to family, came back over here to the mainland where we are now.  I miss Hawaii!!!  So, have some sunshine and ocean for me too!!!  Please don't forget about me.  You have helped me soooooo much!!  Jaybay....my bag is always ready to go!!  This is the beginning of the end.  If things don't stop....right now....I have to go.  You all have made me realize this, and with all your advice and support I feel stronger.  I do love him, but u can't love someone that won't help themselves.  I have a question....he tells me that it is better to quit all together if he tapers off it it.  I told him I believe the way to quit would be to stop all together, and have a lot of support.  Is he right?  Is this a kind of drug that requires tapering?  Does anyone know?

[Jaybay]

Listen to your children.  They love you and wouldn't have offered to take you in if they thought you were a burden.  No more of that self-defeating crap!  You know what's going to happen on payday.  Is your bag packed?

[PinPinPatrick]

Hey I just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts... I won't be on here for 2 weeks cause I'm going on a vacation to Hawaii...

Bottom ****** line... Either he quits NOW or he's OUT.   Sorry if that is a harsh reality for you or him but it's the truth.  Have him read this thread, and everything I've said as an ex-crack head.  I've searched the world in answer in how I can best possibly recover from the severity of this addiction of a disease and I've somewhat got there after over a year .  

All you can do is talk to him about everything I have told you... have him read the entire thread, my blog, and everything else.  At the end of it.  If he makes the decision he's going to stick with it then LEAVE... bottom ******* line, don't support this evil entity spirit called CRACK.  If you don't leave then you're just en-abling him to do more.

Keep in touch I'll be back on in 2 weeks and I hope to hear from you what happens.

Best of luck I hope peace can rest with you above all.

[PinPinPatrick]

Well sadly it looks like the conclusion to this is coming forward...

I'm thinking when he said the 5 years were hell... I think it's because he hadn't ever truly recovered the damage done to the mind and he couldn't really get any joy or pleasure out of life.  It might have been too late all along... but I just want to say that I do believe in recovering damage.  With healthy food, exercise, abstinence from drugs, maybe NA.  Some supplements to restore dopamine levels in the mind include B vitamin capsule, multimineral, L-glutamine, L-Tyrosine, and Vitamin C.  I would also definitely suggest omega 3 DHA dochexanoic acid since this fatty acid is in 60% of the cell membranes in the mind.  You might also consider phosphodyl choline and phosphodyl serine.  This information is from "End your Addiction Now" and focuses on restoring and balancing neurotransmitters to an equilibrium level.  For example a cocaine or crack cocaine addict might have a dopamine deficiency in dopaminergic neurons.  Also the big miracle supplement for restoring glutamate pathways in the mind is N-acetyl-cysteine.  This is what I used to restore my 'pleasure pathways' and it has actually worked really well... I'm joyous again and I can listen to my favorite songs and they really get me excited and I get that dopamine release I once got.  

You also have to understand that even if you restore 'dopamine levels' to their normal level, there has still been a 'muting' effect done at the synapse and dopamine receptors at the receiving neuron have been downregulated.  Meaning there simply aren't as many receptors anymore!  This takes a LONG time to restore back to normal and might need supplementation to restore to even somewhat normal levels.

Really this is the only way to bring him back, and yes crack users have persistent problems and deficits in attention, concentration, new learning, visual and verbal memory, word production, and visual-motor integration.  As in these areas of the mind become severely damaged... and even in my lengthy recovery I still believe these areas of my mind are slightly compromised.  But I will say there is definite improvement.

So not sure what you're thinking about this right now... obviously in quite the rut, and let's face it, even if he does quit it will take a long time to restore the damage done.  Some books say 6 months to a year even WITH all the supplements.  

So he has to make up his mind about the recovery.  Don't give him any money for drugs as that would just be en-abling him... "Hun Just a little money this will be the last time"...   But talk to him about it and everything there is, let him know where he'll be without you, and also let him know how it's affecting you.  It's not just his addiction and disease it's yours too!  Let him know how it's affecting you!  Your finances, you're worried sick about him, in fact your future is becoming lost along with his!  Tell him that.  And you also have to be strong and firm and if he doesn't quit you have to leave him and it's simply for your own good.  Love should be a mutul loving caring relationship in which each partner gives to the other... not one in where one is the parasite taking everything from the other and not giving anything back.

Well the best thing I could say is talk to him about recovery and let him know everything I told you, or even have him read some of it... Addiction truly is a disease no matter how I look at it... although in many ways it's a disease of choice but when the drug takes hold it feels like the choice has been taken away.    

[confusedandhurt61]

Norco...thanks for the hug!!  I needed it.  I did take the kids back to their mom last month.  When they started noticing things were no "right" with their father, I immediately took them out of the situation.  I do not have any parents...both passed away.  I have grown children.  They do know the situation and have begged me to come live with them.  I feel like such a burden on them.  They all have families, and I don't want anyone to have the financial burden of taking care of me until I find a job.  Patrick....I have definitely noticed the memory loss in him.  He used to remind me of everything, and now it seems like his brain has shorted out.  I did try to bring up the subject this evening to try and see how he is doing (he is on day 6 without it).  He just said he is doing "fine".  I asked him again, and he repeated he is doing "fine".  Yes, he will be doing"fine" until payday....then he will run to buy.  It's a familiar cycle.  I want to say thank you again to everyone for all their support.  Patrick..I loved ur blog u wrote.  It helped me understand a little more about maybe what he is feeling.  Since he won't talk to me about it, I guess I will just have to guess how he is doing.  moni80....sure.  let's see if we live in the same area.  ft worth is huge.  lol.  if we live in the same area i would love to get together and go to a meeting with you.