crack addicted husband

[confusedandhurt61]

I have been with my husband for 5 years now.  Recently, we moved to TX where he is from.  Three days after moving here he started smoking crack.  I was totally blown out of the water by this.  He had never used any kind of drugs the whole time we had been together.  Come to find out from his family, he has been a crack addict for about 20 years!  He had to leave TX to get himself clean.  I didn't know, and took a job smack dab in the middle of his "old stomping grounds" and as soon as the plane landed, he went looking.  I know I will never ever in a million years understand the need for it.  His actions are bizarre, and I just keep trying to make sense of it all.  I am probably still a little in denial since this just hit me three months ago.  How can a person go for 5 years without it and all of a sudden I can't turn my back on him for a minute.  He told me yesterday, "I am what I am and I'm an addict.  That is all I will ever be".  It seems like he has already made up his mind to live the "addict lifestyle".  I feel like a horrible person if I walk out on him, but I can't stand to see him act that way.  He always does it at home, and I have to sit and watch him peek around corners at me for hours.  I can't take it any more.  HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[moni80]

So I hope I'm not doing anything wrong by saying this, but I saw your city and we're neighbors. I moved here about a year ago, so if you are interested in going to a meeting, we can try to find one together.

[PinPinPatrick]

Yikes... honestly I think he has it backwards... how could 5 years clean be hell without the drug?  Hell comes when the crack comes and stays for a very long time after!  

Honestly don't try smoking crack... just like everyone else who tried it and shared their experience with me before I even did it all had the same bottom line which was
"if you haven't ever tried it, DON'T DO IT"
I thought what could be the big deal myself I'd experimented in all kinds of drugs but that one is different than all the rest.  Mind you I hadn't tried Meth or Heroin and I can imagine those 2 are probably up there in hells list of horrid drugs too.

It could be instantly addictive because the mind remembers the high very vividly.  So it's not so much the physical withdrawals that make crack addictive it's the memories of the feeling it brings that causes the user to relapse.  Hence that is why no one should ever experiment with this drug.  

You know the bottom line is he has 2 choices either clean up or leave.  If he thinks life is gonna be hell without the drug just let him wait and see what happens if he continues using.  In many cases this is how people end up on the streets.  If cocaine is considered a one way road to hell, then crack must be the highway.  

One thing for sure if he's made up his mind that he's going to keep using no matter what then you're going to have to leave.

One other comment I would like to make about what happens to the mind after many many uses of crack cocaine is that the minds ability to experience pleasure in life is lost.  Anything from experiencing that 'dopamine rush'... some examples I could bring up might include going to your favorite singers concert and hearing all the people clapping, or watching a sporting event and your favorite team scores a goal or get's a touchdown, or the feeling you get from your favorite song, or the feeling you get when you are in school and do really well in a test... Or going to events where maybe your child graduated or got married... Things that make us happy, bring up pleasure, and we get that feeling of dopamine release in our minds that brings us pleasure.  

The sad truth with cocaine addiction and much much more so crack cocaine addiction is that the ability of the mind to experience these simple pleasures is lost or damaged severely.  The dopamine circuits in the mind want to keep equilibrium and so they downregulate the number of dopamine receptors at the synapse.  It's the same thing that happens when people are exposed to very very loud environments or listen to loud music too much their hearing gets muted.  There becomes no joy out of life because the cocaine has corrupted all the pleasure that life once brought.  The high is chemically unstable for the human mind and is outside of the realms of normal human pleasure.  Eventually it comes to the point that there is no pleasure in life except that brought by the drug.  The soul becomes robbed.  This is when the very soul of the crack user becomes corrupted and they don't care about anything but the drug and they will steal or commit crimes to get the only pleasure in life that they know of.

Good news is if he stays clean... we are talking about years.  And if he eats healthy, might have to take some supplements, multi-vitamin, multi-mineral, omega 3's etc.  Also you can supplement NAC n-acetyl cysteine and it may help restore some of these pleasure circuits inside the mind so they can work once again.  I doubt they can ever be restored to the way they once were but it will sure help improve them much more than they were after the drug usage.  Also he can supplement L-Tyrosine which is the amino-acid the body uses to make dopamine.  

So there is hope for you and your husband.  But the thing is he has to make the choice to clean up now and for good.

[norco_no_more1960]

HUGS to you.  You are in a very common state of codependency.  In a codependent relationship the non addict or non alcoholic is the responsible one, the one who picks up the pieces and deals with the consequences.  They become the nervous wreck.

My advice is:  return the children to their mom, go home to your parents.  Get into counseling.  Figure out who YOU really are.  Right now your life is all wrapped up in what your husband is doing.  He is not going to change.  Only you can.

I am a daughter of an alcoholic.  After my first marriage ended I became engaged twice to alcoholics.  Neither one was drinking at the time I met them.  But I stayed engaged to them long enough to figure it out.  I broke off each engagement and quit dating for a while - long enough for me to figure out what was it about me that chose alcoholics.  It wasn't until I got some therapy and figured some things out about myself that I was able to marry a nice, kind, non-alcoholic man.

I still care and want you to be safe and happy.

Lisa

[confusedandhurt61]

I did originally leave him.  In November I took the kids and went back to KS where I am from.  I stayed there a week.  After a week he follwed me up there.  I had taken a week off of work and my boss was going crazy.  I looked for a job up there but the job market is really horrendous in KS.  I made the decision to come back down here because of my job.  Of course he promised to quit all the drugs.  Didn't happen.  And yes, being in this area is a huge trigger for him.  We basically live in the middle of a ghetto.  He knows this area, and he knows where to go to get it.  And ur right...as long as we are in this area and he has any extra money, he is going to do it.  I am desparately trying to find a job out of state.  It is a slow process, but I won't give up.  I seem to be the one who is suffering from all of this.  I did get him to open up a little bit.  He basically said the same things u did.  It is the intense feeling he gets from it.  He doesn't like the paranoid feeling he gets, or how it makes him act, but that is not enough to make him stop.  Me taking his kids away didn't make him stop....and my love isn't going to make him stop.  I asked him why he stayed clean for the 5 years that I have known him.  He said it was because he wasn't in an area where he knew where to find it.  He said it was hell living the 5 years without it.  That being said, it seems like he is into this for life.  I am really bummed tonight.  It makes me feel worse than him.  That's not fair.  It seems like there is no way out.  I guess I will never understand it.  I was even tempted to try it myself so that I would understand what the hell he is talking about.  What is it about the drug that makes you give up your family and way of life?????  Maybe I am just tired.  Tired of worrying and tired of thinking.  I am rambling now.

[PinPinPatrick]

Yes you should talk and listen to what he has to say.  Don't have him focus on the pleasure of the drug, rather the destruction.  Crack is extremely destructive... It is many many times worse than powdered cocaine because it is smoked and hits the mind like a tonne of bricks.  Crack is also more soluble in fat and chemically it actually crosses the blood brain barrier faster than powered cocaine as well!

When I quit for good I took 2 weeks to visit my Grandmother... she lived far away in a very small town where I could not find any drugs.  I was almost obsessing the first few days about the drug i just wanted to have some.  Sometimes I'd just lay in bed... maybe drink some water.  You might want to consider getting him out of that environment he's in, it's a huge, huge, trigger.  If he knows where to go to get it whenever he has the money or can, he's going to keep doing that until there's some form of vacation away like I did to my Grandmothers, or an intervention, or something.  
It is so addictive that even if someone knows it's bad and has those negative effects or the 'crash' that so many users hate and want to avoid... they will always remember the good effects, the pleasurable effects, those experiences make him want to go back for it more and more and more.

He needs to live life for some time without any of the drug.  This drug ***** peoples souls dry... making them like zombies almost with only one thing on their mind to get more... eventually any love and caring in his personality could be lost forever.  I have also read Dr.Amen's books on addiction and he has taken SPECT scans of peoples brains who were crack users for a few years and there are actually "holes" in their minds where there is no activity.  Cocaine and especially crack causes intensive vasoconstriction to virtually every artery in the body... the arteries actually tense up and tighten restricting blood flow and increasing blood pressure.  People end up having 'mini-strokes' and they don't even realize it!!! That's how dangerous this drug is!  Not to mention the effects it has on the heart!... the lungs!  

Really there are a few suggestions I have for you to do to help him...
-either get him out of the area... take some time to visit your family or his family AWAY from where you are.
- Move... get out of that area and don't return!  That environment he's in just triggers memories inside of him of the drug causing him to relapse!
-Educate educate and educate him! About the drug, either through the internet, or an addictions counselor or someone who knows about crack cocaine addiction.

But really the bottom line is you need him to get out of the area... you need to move, consider rehab, a vacation or something like that.  

Or of course worse comes to worse you might have to leave him if he doesn't change but I realize you love him and don't want to lose him.  But really you will lose him if his addiction to Crack continues to rob him of his soul and his life, I mean if this continues he will be like a walking living breathing dead person or it could also actually physically kill him, in the process it's also robbing you of your well being in life.  

[Jaybay]

You can't force him to talk about it if he doesn't want to, but it's worth a try.  If he does open his mouth try to remember the idea is for HIM to talk and you to listen.  In your shoes, I'd start at the beginning and ask for an explanation of why he never told you about his 20 year addiction before you got married.  Why did he allow your marriage to be based on a lie?  That cat has already escaped the bag, so he might as well spill the truth while he's got your attention.  Don't be surprised if he clams up and let it go for another day.  But that's just me and the way my mind works.  You're the one living in hell right now, so jump in where you need to.  

His mind is already on using, so you won't be making him crave any worse for discussing the problem.  If he uses, it's HIS action - NOT yours.  It's actually more enabling to shut your mouth and pretend like everything is fine.  That way there are no uncomfortable consequences to his using.