scared to death...

[mommy2be25]

I'm so scared right now... I've messed up really bad! I've called in my own scripts and this time they cancelled it and didn't fill it. I know they will be calling the Dr tomorrow and it will all be over! What will happen to me? What might they do? I'm the mother of a 17month old precious baby boy and he deserves so much more than this! I feel like if I just end it all then it will save him and my family a lot of trauma!

[mommy2be25]

Thanks! You're right! 24 hours later Im actually thinking I can get through this somehow. Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared out of my mind! But I know now that I have a reason to stay strong! Now I have to figure out how to get clean, which also scares me to death!

[mommy2be25]

Also, THANK YOU to everyone who has been posting and talking me through this so far. Ya'll are amazing people. I first joined this forum when I was pregnant with my son and was addicted at that time also. My son was born healthy and has been extremely healthy so far. I may not know what damage I did for years to come or I might be one of the lucky moms whose child has no negative side effects from my mistakes while pregnant with him. But ya'll were there for me then and are still here for me now. It's been an amazing gift from GOD to have people like you all to talk to during these hard times. SO.... Thanks!!!!

[RickRilla]

Just want to say you are doing great so far. What a difference 24 hours makes. Honesty is the key. Keep it up.  

[eynati]

I really think some things happen for a reson! I think u should defenitly talk to your hubby and I'm sure he will listen to u and something will come up- don't say u have no reson to live- your baby needs u and I truly belive we all have a purpose in this world think about it.....

[mommy2be25]

Well, I'm still here. And no warrants in one of the countys im concerned about, but I'm not sure about the other. I know it's only a matter of time. But we at least have a plan now. We were going to be moving in with my inlaws soon anyway, because we are both unemployed, just filed bankruptcy and are having to give up our first home. So, we are going to go ahead and move in with my inlaws this weekend (just neccessities) and my hubby is going to try to sell or put in storage the rest of our belongings. In that time I will check myself into rehab. I'm not sure how to find one that will take me with no money, but that is for us to figure out tomorrow. I'm ready to change my life. I want my life back and as odd as it may sound I am excited about going to rehab to get clean and start living again. I know I will have to face the legal side of all I've done but theres not much I can do to change that now. I can only change myself. I have told my husband, my father, and my inlaws the truth and I feel so much better already. I do have a reason to live and no longer feel the need to end my life. Even if I go through hell for a little while, I know it will all get better in time. My husband has said he will stand by me through thick or thin and now I know that him and my son deserve the best of my and thats what I intend to give them. These pills will not have ahold of me anymore once this is all said and done. I only have enough left to get through a few days, so at that point I will go to detox. Does anyone know where i might could go to get help if I have no money right now?

[this_big]

I agree w/others you should go ahead and start your detox. You do NOT want to go through w/ds in jail. They do not care how you feel,  or what your going through. Your not going to get hot soaks,or any other things to help you w/ withdraws. If you could get away for a few days to get though the first couple of days that would be great. Maybe a hotel,friend/families house. Just be aware they could come to families house to look for you,that would probably take a few days though.

Unfortunately,whats done is done. Just realize you cant hide forever and so the sooner you get started  w/ this, the better.

  That is great your family is at your side,That alone will help tremendously with getting through this. I really hope this works out for you. Try to stay positive, and i wish you the best of luck.~what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger.

                                          Jason