so depressed, i hate this addiction

[smartgirlbadecisions]

i am having such bad depression. i have been using a little bit here and there. nothing like i was before but whats the difference? someone told me im not ready. well how the hell do you become ready? i want it so bad but i just feel like i have lost everything and i have so little left. i know thats not true but i just feel so helpless and depressed and ashamed. im sure a lot of u can relate. i am around pills because i am too scared to move far away. i feel like i am going crazy!!!!!!!!!

[ImDONENoMore]

smartgirl - swallow your pride and come back.  And keep posting.  You are SO close to getting there - I know you are.  And you do too.  You're holding on to them as a last ditch effort because you're scared of life on the other side.  But you don't have to do this in one day. It's a process and it is a journey.  And one worth taking and I know you know that.

We all felt like you do right now - and we all had to hear things we didn't want to hear.  So don't feel ashamed or embarrassed.  We say these things because we understand.  And we care.

Come back and start again.  That's the great thing about being alive right?  You get to start over if you want to.  One step, one decision - that's all it takes (for today).  :)

[weaver71]

I had to let go of the "benefits" of pills. The pills will defend themselves until you are dead. Oh, but I can make you feel better, you need the energy, it's too much to quit, these are the pills ideas. You have to make up your mind to think for yourself, no matter how hard it is, no matter how it makes you feel. You will feel better when you are making your own decisions and don't back down. That is what people mean by being free. You choose. People here will back you in your decision, and help remind you that it is the right decision. I don't know anybody who wanted to quit and didn't who is happy with their life, but many people who quit will say, " It was the best decision "I" ever made."

[Bkitty]

All you need to do is try just a little bit harder sweetie. You cant half a$$ this addiction or trying to control it by using occassionally. You are not giving your brain a chance to recover when you still snort a pill here and there. Its a lifestyle change, changing habits, identifying triggers and developing new coping mechanisms. It is not going to work if you try it one day and not the next. So take a deep breath and jump off the addiction train. What the worst that can happen? You might start feeling better? You know what you need to do. And we are all here to support you. (((hugs)))~Bkitty

[dominosarah]

kyle is just telling the truth and where you are at in your addiction is the point where you know what he is saying and it hits a nerve.  Only you can decide when you have had enough.  Dabbling here and there with the pills is just prolonging this.  It is making it tougher mentally.  There is a life out here but you have to do the hard work.  We will hold your hand and help you all we can but you have to help yourself first.  You think kyle was rough on you?  Oh you aint seen nothing till you have had IBK give you some tough love!!  I went thru a very hard time awhile back and i was sobbing so hard i could hardly catch my breath...her comment to me, Congrats on feeling!  She told me everything i didnt want to hear but everything I NEEDED to hear.

[IBKleen]

Don't be so sensitive hun. the members are here to help you. From my own experience I can tell you that people around me babied me in my addiction and I continued to use. They enabled me for many years and felt sorry for me. Then they started to walk away. Then, and only then, did I get clean. I am of the "tough love" group and I give it the way it was given to me. There will be plenty of time for hand holding when you put the drugs down. For now I think you need a little push. What you are doing could kill you and none of us wants that for you.

Keep an open mind when members here give you advise and support. It comes from experience and it comes from the heart.

[kyle505]

You know exactly what I mean...We talked about everything on our PMs. I WANT YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL, but you seem to be stuck in a place that is comfortable for you, and it's not doing you any good. Detox is not comfortable, and you are avoiding it.
I gave you a lot of support and positive advice - now when I post something that is not so rosy, you get upset, and I understand, but everything I've attempted, and the support from others on this site, seems to have fallen on to deaf ears. You are young, have your whole life ahead of you, and I just don't want you falling into the same trap that I did.