whos out there w/ding with me?

[beatbutnotbroken]

8 days clean off of methadone 105mg tapered down to 45mg...went thru the first 5days in a detox.(thats all they could hold me for) last 2 days they gave me 4 doses of subutex 4mg 4mg 2mg 2mg then said ur good to go RIIIGGHHT. the first day out i felt ok then the next morning I felt pretty good, and then it crept up on me like a assassin. first the anxiety and heart pounding then the aches of bones and joints. there was a point it was so bad i forced myself to sit still and accept the pain just kinda welcomed it in my body then my feet kinda just went numb with a vibrating sensation. lasted about 15mins then had to get up and walk around. and oh my the head games are worse than i ever thought its like my brain is so fing confused and i have no control over it, i get really angry sometimes like i wish this disease could manifest itself in a physical form so i can beat the **** out of it. but all in all im doing ok 8days in and running the road of recovery never to look back at the drugs chasing me. MH and the people here have givin me so much support and kindness it has really helped me a lot so i just wanted to try and give some back. keep posting for support. together we can beat this, KEEPING THE FAITH.......

[VICourageous]

Hello & Welcome to the Hotel Addiction room 111..
I am not detoxing right now because I c/t last Sept 2012 off Methadone and 2 other meds. Yep, the mental is what takes the longest..You will have some waves of Physical for a bit, but then the Mental will kick in. Each day your mind feels clearer & clearer, but it is the mental part and behaviors that we have to change and work on so we can learn to deal with life clean & sober. And or how to live in ones own skin too. Make sure you keep eating a very healthy diet and taking some good vit/min. Just go with it day by day as you will peel off layers like a onion and everything will soon make more since. The detox is the easy part..(What?).I know, but YES it is..It is working on staying clean that takes the cake. Just take them baby steps because one day these steps will get bigger & better..Wishing you the best.
Bless

[Heather8448]

I had to give my gun away I wanted to die its been a year and I am just now considering getting it back. baby steps. are you in after care. its worth it and it gets better...walk forward i believe in you, we can do this

[beatbutnotbroken]

omg yes being at home is like being in a cold cell with all the guilt and shame.. i see my wifes eyes and they are in a dark place but she says, "im fine dont worry about me you need to just worry about you i got this"..... and this woman has put up with all my ******** over the years and loves me more now than ever but i cant look into those beautiful blue eyes without feeling my heart breaking into pieces....we have been together for 15years and 8 of it i wasnt there.....the first day and a half when i got back from detox was like we were falling in love all over again. she sent this incredible text message to my phone while i was in detox telling me things that made my heart fill with warmth again....  and then came the m fing piper!!! so yes rehab is going to be my cocoon and when i emerge im going to be able to enjoy life again i feel like i have missed 8years of my life but have something so incredible to fight for that this detox this disease dont have the power to over come love. and i realize that now it is painfull so ******* painful. wow sry you struck a hard chord on that one weaver thanks man......

[gnarly_1]

Hi well your doing great methadone is a monster to kick it is the energy crash and recovery time that makes it hard  just know everything your going threw will be so so worth it  it took me around 90 days to feel right so pace yourself and as always get to a N/A meeting and keep going to them the support is ausum ''with a addict to my left and a addict to my right I rarely fall''.......Gnarly

[beatbutnotbroken]

yea no sleep tonight  i think im going for a midnight walk not sure if that is the right thing to do at 4am but wth

[lulu747]

Just be safe.  I think a midnight walk is great.  The more exercise you are able to get the better.  Then take a hot shower or bath and eat a banana- maybe a cup of sleepy time tea.  If that doesn't work try losing yourself in a movie or tv show- a book would be better, but if you're anything like I was detoxing, the concentration is too hard.  Deep breaths.  Find your zen point.
You are doing awesome.
I am excited for your rehab experience, going into a coccoon and emerging a butterfly with the world as your oyster (mixed metaphor but it's late so whatever (:)
Proud of you...
Lu