Benzodiazepine addiction - insight needed badly

[sashaleenicole]

about 5 months ago I was placed on 3mgs of Klonopin a day to control very severe neuroleptic induced akathisia by a neurologist. During that time, I became quickly tolerant to the effects and ashamed to tell my neurologist since he had already increased the dose so heavily. So I went to my primary care doctor to describe the same symptoms. A clear wrong choice, but I felt cognitively foggy and above all so desperate. While I had signed releases so all my physicians could talk, he didn't ask any questions and I didn't mention the klonopin. I was desperate for help. He gave me 1mg of ativan per day with 1 refill. My neurologist, months later did find out and completely kicked me out of his clinic, not even giving me a chance to explain but yet not cancelling my refills.

So here I am, completely physically dependent on klonopin. I lost my health insurance and cant afford to pay cash to see my PCP. I went to the emergency room to be turned away and told no detox would accept me because I did not have insurance. This month I filled my refill, only to black out after taking ambien (another med I have a legitimate script for but only take sometimes) and wake up the next day to find my pills missing, my car parked in a place I don't remember and my apartment trashed. I know I did all of it, I just don't remember. Akathisia is a complete hell on earth but addiction is an entirely new hell I did not see hitting me like a ton of bricks. My life is out of control and I'd never imagined it would begin with a doctor and not a street drug. I am certainly humbled.

I will be facing withdrawal and I am scared to death, knowing I could have a seizure and die alone in my apartment. I have gone into withdrawal before and it causes me to shake uncontrollably, panic, hallucinate, and vomit. I have read this can last for up to a year or more. I am a slave to pill bottles and I'd rather go through anything but this as I see no concrete end in sight. I know this site is not for medical advice, but I thought if anyone who has been through something similar could relate their story, it might help me. I'm 21 with no family, no doctor, feeling as if I have no place to turn. Especially for something that could threaten my life but I won't know it until it I am actually in real danger. Please help.  Any kind words... similar experiences... anything.... please

[sashaleenicole]

Thank you so much for your compassion. Because of no money or insurance, I have made a last ditch effort to call my primary care doc, let the nurse know what's going on and have her pass it along to the doc. I was told the doctor was seeing patients all day but that my message had been put through to him for approval to write me another prescription or not. I should hear back by 6pm or tomorrow at the latest they said. If not, I will try the ER again. It is not fair, I am not less than anybody else because I have fallen on hard times and that's how the ER treats me. I did not choose to start myself on these medications, a doctor decided they were the best choice and physical dependence is a natural effect. Thanks for your support.

[KLB84]

I agree. You must get medical help for this one! Depending on where you live will depend on what kind of programs and help their might be. I'm surprised the ER turned you away. You may need to go to the psych ward specifically. I'm not sure, but if you're on here I assume you have internet access so start web searching for places that can help, but make sure to type in your location (city, state, etc).  Then start calling!!!! Do it asap, before you get in a worse situtation.

[gnarly_1]

HI well you got yourself in a jam ,your not supose to go off benzo abruptly you need to taper off them
we cant provide taper plans in the forum it is ageist the rule best bet is to see a doctor and come clean with them if you choose to do this yourself go as slow as possible if you have no pills left your going to have to see a doctor this is nothing to mess around with both my wife and myself have tapered off clonipine and its not ez doing it the right way you get plenty of withdrawal symptoms doing it right it is not a fun drug to detox off of please seek out medical help keep posting for support.........Gnarly