I'm having a craving!!! A bad one!

[ang_811]

Hey everybody... I'm having a bad cravng!!! I can't seem to get the pills out of my mind! That's all I'm thinking about! I've done eveything on my list I made for myself fr when I do get cravings and when I get done it still comes back! I can't seem t shake it!!!!! It's annoyng! I hate postng this but I'm putting pride to the side and my recovery to no 1!  I think what brought it on is that today's my bday and I can't remeber th last tine I had a sober bday. I was always gven free pills and free drinks! Tonght I'm going out with people from work and be sober while everyone else makes fools of theirselves! It'll be a different experience for me but I can do it! I won't go If I am still having this craving!!!!

[dominosarah]

I would not go out tonight with you being in the frame of mind you are.  Your sobriety is too important to jeopardize.  Birthdays are for presents like clothes or gift certificates etc, not for giving someone something that will kill them.  You are going to celebrate your 1st birthday of freedom.  That is huge ang......HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!       sara

[cathy5841]

Hi happy birthday n sorry you are craving. Good for you for reaching out for support. Please be careful going out tonight.  I know you want to celebrate but addiction is sneaky so keep your guard up...there is an article about craving in the health pages, has good info so check it out...hang in there and keep fighting you have come too far to mess up now...keep posting, you WILL get rthrough this CLEAN...

[IBKleen]

Happy Birthday!

I don't think you are in any position to be with people who are partying. I hope you change your mind.

[dominosarah]

ang..........where did you go?

[salsinator]

Happy Birthday Ang.  I agree with Sara, going out could be dangerous for you right now.  My first birthday following my sub detox was about 6 weeks after and it was difficult for me, but I made it through and each month got easier.  For a while, I just did not go out because I did not want to put myself into a tempting position.  You did the right thing by reaching out - please let us know how you are doing.

[jyv]

You have to change your  playground if you want to get off the stuff.  Like find a new sand box and new friends.  Meanwhile stay away from the old ones untillyou are clean and sober.  Give yourslf at least three weeks to go throuh the withdrawal. stick close with us on forum.  You CAN DO IT. JYV

[dominosarah]

Okay ang.......you posted and left.  Are you okay??

[ang_811]

I'm here! I shouldn't had went out last night. But I did.  I thought since I never had problems with alcohol then it wouldn't have been hard 4 me to not drink! But I had 1 then a few more followed. I used alcohol just like i used pills! I had a bad night at work and I don't think nething couldve stopped me last night! I finding myself today to be quit pi$$ed and ashamed and feeling guilty! Plus I'm tired bc all of guilt I had kept me up all night! Now today in craving ne type of pill! I guess having all of those emotions all wrapped up nto one is not a good combo to have!  I'm forcing myself to post this! To get help and support ! I found myself not wanting ne type of support 2day. I don't know y.

[IBKleen]

Didn't you hook up with a therapist last week? If so, have you called?

[ang_811]

Ive been seeing a counselor for the past mnth and a half Last nigh when I pulled my ID out of my wallet hs card fell out and landed on the bar! Possibly a sign! If I'm being honest I didn't want to call I didn't want him talking me out of it. I guess the addict n me came out! I'm gonna call b4 I go to work!!

[gnarly_1]

HI Angie im so sorry to here all  this....dont beat yourself up over this .....just learn from it I haven't had a drink in 5yr and 4 mo and im still not able to be around it..pick your self up dust yourself off...take a few deep breaths and regroup and put yourself back on track again
im here for you if you need to talk just p/m me...your friend Mark

[IBKleen]

Good for you Ang! Pick yourself up and do what you need to do. It's a tough lesson to learn but you are here so I know you want this. You are in my thoughts.

[ang_811]

Can ne1 tell me y I'm here debating on whether or not to go out again tonight? I've only had 2 hours of sleep and that's not stoppng me! I have been **** so good! What is goin on?

[vicki595]

Ang...It's that addiction talking to you.  Take a bath,get a book and go to bed. You need the rest. Don't hurt yourself like this...

xo

[dominosarah]

There are other ways to reward yourself for being clean than going out drinking.  Alcohol will take you down before you know what hit you.  You gotta change your playground and playmates girl......You have stirred that beast that lives in your head and it is screaming at you right now.  Take a step back and really look at this situation.   You let your guard down ang and now it is time to put it back up.............sara

[dominosarah]

So how did last night go??

[IBKleen]

Ang, I can hear your addiction screaming from here. I'm guessing it got you last night. Please talk to us.

[ang_811]

Well.... I kinda went out again last night! I know better I've done all my research on addiction and know all about gateway drugs. I had alot of drinks I'm not gonna lie! But I don't want to stop! I'm enjoying going out and having a good time again. Last night at work I had people telling me that it's nice to see I'm going out with evry1 again and having fun! I also had sum1 say 2 me "since when did u become fun again?"  those made me feel knda bad! I feel Like I'm on the verge of starting the vicous cycle of addiction all over again. I know what is and what I have 2 do but I don't want to! I'm exhausted from not getting home til late and getting up early since my sleep still hasn't came back from my sub detox! But If every1 asked me to go out again tonight I'd probally say yes!

[dominosarah]

Your playing with fire and you will get burnt.  I hope and pray you make it thru this but with your mindset right now i have my doubts.  The fun you describe will soon turn to insanity and then to despair.  We will be here for you ang when you have had enough~~~~~sara

[vicki595]

Well,at least your honest...I'll give you that!

But,this isn't funny now. You've worked really hard for a long time. I know your young but
this is not the way for YOU to have fun.  As addicts,we need to stay away from EVERTHING that changes our sober brain. It's imperative. Some former pill addicts have a glass of wine or a beer once in awhile I suppose. But,for you,it's bad. You obviously can't handle it.

I'm not certain the friends who have missed you so will still be there when you're falling down drunk,puking blood and passing out.

You know what you have to do now...I'm worried for you~

V.

[gnarly_1]

Hey Angie....whats really going on here ?? you have fought to hard and to long for your sobriety to just throw it away on a good time....you know where this road leads you and its nowhere you want to go...one time is a slip but if you keep it up your going to wind up doing something your going to regret ....you need to get off this path wile you still can....I know addiction is a monster...and no one said that being clean would be ez....but you proved you can do it ....what has changed in your life to send you sliding down like this???...as a friend I cant just watch you slide down into active addiction and say nothing I wouldn't be your friend if I did...if you dont want to talk about it here send me a message but you need to talk about this b/4 it gets any worst...we all just want whats best for you...and your sobriety has to come first or all that you worked so hard for will be in vein....you can still do this if you change the path your on now but the partying has to stop...I will check my mail often today please write me so we can talk about this your friend Mark  

[laurel453]

you don't need nobody telling you that is fun again being with you if you need the alcohol to be funny... ok, what do you want to be ? a healthy woman, or a funny woman ( and sick ) ?

it is your choice, and... only your choice :) don't let the addiction take it for you, please !!

[Cris718]

Ok.....I'm coming into this brand new, and I saw your site....your 46 days clean??  That's fantastic!!  But it really scares me that I could fall into a trap like this.

I hope you see that this is just a subsitiute for another addiction. Praying that you figure it all out.

Cris~

[lifewithoutcoke]

I am also coming into this late as well, but can I just say one thing? I know exactly where you are at right now and how you feel. I have been there, most of us have, and you're thinking, everyone loves you and misses you and you think you can keep going out and "just drinking" and be like everyone else and keep it there. And be normal like them and have fun. But that is never how it happens. Let's face it. With the lack of sleep and drinking more and more alcohol( I am guessing...it starts with a few drinks the first night, then more and more everytime you go out after, right?) Eventually you will think you "need" that next level of "fix". For  you , that'd be pills? For me that was always cocaine. I thought I could handle just drinking and wanted to be able to go out and play with the "normal" peeps and be the life of the party, but it will stop being fun, and you may end up slipping.

Is it worth it?? You know deep down in your heart and head it's not. But that part of you is already getting lost. I hope to heaven you find that part before you relapse. But if you don't and it happens,( and believe me, we've all been there) then I hope you find the strength to pick yourself back up again and get sober again. Because you've proven you can do this!

And I haven't been here long, but something tells me the good people on this forum will be here for you, and all are genuinly worried for you.

Just, if it does happen or did happen, please come back here and talk about it and let us help you get through it, ok?