Kicking a Terrible Habit...Need Help

[SmokeyMcDude]

   I smoked my last balloon at 4A.M. last night. I was doing about 3 a day for 5 months. I saw a doctor today and unfortunately, she was not very sympathetic to my situation. (I do live in Utah and most citizens, let alone MD's are Mormon so I wasn't expecting much of anything.) I have all the workings for the Thomas Recipe, Librium and 1 Xanax pill (from earlier scripts), Mineral Suppliments, Fish Oil, L-Tyrosine, B-6 and even some Melatonin to help me sleep. (which I doubt I will) I am feeling totally and utterly drained and my entire body aches, I have another balloon but I really don't want to get into it. I am literally inches away from the toilet trying to drop it in.
   Anyway, I was never an addict of anything before I had hand surgery about 7 months ago. I would describe myself as having a hippie mentallity (weed, beer, LSD and mushrooms are all ok) but when I got a Vallium script I was introduced to a world I'd never experienced before (and wish I hadn't) Needless to say the Vallium didn't last long and heroin is becoming ever popular in my state and also easier to get a hold of. For 10$ a balloon I thought I could spend everyday getting peeled back with no problem. WRONG! I felt like I was slowly slipping away and I couldn't get a grip on my life anymore, I haven't lost my job (yet) and just want to get back to my old life-loving self. I have lined up many trips and festivals this summer and don't want to be dependent on smack to have fun at Telluride. (which is more fun that this brown **** anyway.)
Basically I have some questions:
-Does booze help the withdrawal symptoms? I never had a problem with alcohol as I have a very sensitive stomach but would a couple of beers calm me down? I would think that and Librium would be a recipe for sleep but I don't want to over do it.
-Also does weed help at all? I have a nice bong and a satchel to burn through but I don't want to exacerbate my symptoms.
-When should I take my Xanax? After 2 days or on the 2nd day? Basically when is going to be the worst because it's really bad right now and I don't know how it could get worse.
Any secrets that the Thomas recipe hasn't told me would be greatly appreciated, I'm getting really down on myself and considered shooting a lethal dose rather than going through this hell on more than one occasion. Any help would be appreciated.

[SmokeyMcDude]

   I'll take their advice, but I don't want to join a cult started by someone who was born in 1805. That's what I don't get about mormons, what about all the people born previous to 1805? Were they just screwed or **** out of luck? Anyway that's another rant for another day.
   To Gobig: I tried suboxone once just from a friend to come off of heroin, it worked fine for a week (and I was splitting them up into 4ths) but as soon as I came off the sub, I had terrible withdrawals even though I was (by that time) taking a half of a 1/4th.

[Gobig]

What you've heard about sub is not true.  Done correctly, it's probably the best way to detox - much nicer to your body, and it gives your mind a chance to readjust.

[ithink]

You might want to listen to some of those Mormons that are all around you.

[cathy5841]

you wont if you keep remembering the w/ds...i think God lets us go through those to give a better chance at staying clean...you are doing good.  you are about to make it to the close of another day,
cathy

[SmokeyMcDude]

My mom has some really bad OCD problems and I think if I told her, she would think herself into a panic. I really believe that she's doing that right now but can't put her finger on what's wrong. We have a pretty tough history, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in 7th grade and all throughout high school I tried multiple times to kill myself via overdose on tylenol and alcohol. Multiple hospital visits, liver damage and even 14 months in-patient at a state hospital later, she just can't really handle anything like this. Especially since my dad left her and I was the only boy in the house (one sister), she is really attached to me and I would feel terrible letting her down like that. I feel terrible now. She takes medication for her OCD problem and I think I inherited some of it, racing thought and obsessive thinking, but I really feel that if she knew her baby boy was doing heroin it would crush her. And if she gets crushed, I get crushed and it's not a good cycle. I think I can man up and get through this but I just pray I don't do anything this stupid ever again.

[cocobeanlisa]

Have your girlfriend go rent the movie "Things we Lost In the Fire"

After seeing that I think you will want to just ride this out, There's no soft easy way.

Yes you will hurt, sweat and feel like hell, but the good news is it will pass.  And when it is over you will feel like your in heaven (again)... Hold on and have your g/f help you out on this.  You will need lots of soup, ice cream, oj and gatoraide..hold on and yes stay away from all booze, it will only make the stomach worse....

This will pass, the less stuff (drugs) you put in your body now the less that you will have to detox from... And suboxone for me was not addictive, If I take more than I should I got sick to my stomach and never got high, so I never wanted to take more.

cocobean