No it's not! We are glad to talk to you.... I am glad you aren't looking for the right words b/c I just don't have them.... but I am a good listener...
Do you have kids? I have 1 boy 20months.
I'm not looking for the right words, just people who have experienced similar things to help me stay sane and not feel like I'm in the middle of an ocean on my own while he has support. So far you and wanabefree330 are just what I needed...if I can't talk to people about it I just get stuck in my head and go around and around and get depressed and withdrawn and miserable...and regardless if I want to help him or not, that's not a healthy mind set to be in.
Ok...first...I agree w/everything wannabefree says...how dare him turn the tables on you? I am an addict and I Do NOT blame my hubby! I don't blame my mom....but she is a trigger so to speak....anyway... please don't take it personal when he says the mean stuff to you b/c it's the alcohol and dope talking. I've said some unbelievable stuff to my husband out of nowhere... like packing up leaving over minute things... I do understand the baggage and I am sure it's possible the thought has crossed your mind that you are attracted to men like your Dad?
Stick around here... maybe he will use this site or read on it?? Any chance you think?
If you ever want to chat I am here you can PM me!
JoAnn
His other favorite line when we are arguing and I am telling him how it affects me is that I'm being self centered and it's not all about me - that he is dealing with a serious problem that is all about him.....drives me nuts!
I'm really glad I came across this site. I finally was able to say that during our last discussion. The one thing I am positive of is that at the end of the three weeks (or whenever he is clean) he will have to attend meetings every week and I will verify that he attends...I don't intend to try this time with pretty much a guarantee of relapse...everything I have read about coke addiction states that because of it's underlying causes it cannot ever be really stopped without continual support. At least we have no children (I was not interested in it) so the only one involved is me. Emotional stuff is so much harder to deal with. If he hit me or something that would be easy to leave....I am definitely going to talk to him about the drinking when he speaks to me again, because I also read that beer seems to be a trigger for a lot of people - and it really limits where we can go and what we can do....I can't go to his friends, and I don't invite him to mine, because I just won't deal with the whining about him wanting to drink while I'm there. Mostly I'm just talking at this point....I am definitely a talker it really helps. Yeah, the guilt thing is a real killer......I don't want to just "wash my hands" of him after 7 years, but it sure feels like what I should do sometimes....
Well how convenient for him to switch the blame and accuse you of being a horrible person and not understanding what he is going through? Typical of an addict. When in reality he doesn't realize it affects you just as much. You may not have personal experience of being an alcoholic or drug addict. So what? Does that mean if you were one that you would continue to watch him commit a slow suicide? Don't allow him to turn the tables on you. My ex used to do the same. I finally started saying to him..."this is not about me Troy, it's about you....and the choices you are making that are affecting both of us." If you are willing, tell him that you want to support him however you can in getting and stying sober. But, you will NOT support him in any way if he chooses to continue using. Make it clear that it is a CHOICE he makes everytime he drinks, or every time he uses. Set some clear boundaries with him, and make sure he knows what the consequences will be if he crosses them. I hope in the next 3 weeks he gets really serious about quitting, and knows that recovery is a life long commitment. He will need the help of AA/NA and sites like this to stay clean. Sobriety doesn't stop when you stop using, its just the first step. I'm glad you have people you can turn to for support.